What is there to cry about at this point anyway?
I just finished making and drinking a really full cup of delicious and refreshing thai iced tea some minutes ago because I had been craving it for about a week and buying it seemed like an irrational choice to spend about $2-3 for a cup of tea+bunch of crushed ice while you can make it at home for like $5-6 and you can literally make like 200 servings of thai iced tea! Really though, the package of 400 grams of tea says you need 2 grams of tea per one cup of water, you know, 400 : 2 = 200 right? Can’t be wrong about it. Think of how much money you can save up per year by making the tea yourself. I actually made a rough calculation just then but I realize the calculation wass wrong and I am not that good at math so do your own calculation if you will. BUT SERIOUSLY I THINK THE NUMBER WILL BE MIND-BLOWING.
It’s pretty insane how cheaper it actually is to make food or beverages yourself rather than buying it from stalls or restaurants. And sometimes the taste of your own homemade foods are not that much different from those served in restaurants. But really though, whether you want to make or buy your food, it’s all your choice. After all, this is just a rant and confusion and amazement written by one (relatively) poor student here who always tries to save up money.
Or I should just open up a thai tea store myself.
Yea good idea.
One day though, one day.
Is this what most people would call boredom? Is boredom the kind of feeling when you have nothing to do and don’t feel like doing anything but you feel the need to do something but you don’t know what to do so you tried to do everything but then end up doing nothing and your mind kinda scatter around and you think about unnecessary stuffs that make you feel depressed or feel worse about yourself?
Tell me, is this boredom? Or is it something else?
I think I am getting more and more broken each and every day. Lately the thoughts of “nothingness” that fills my entire life keep on reoccurring everytime my mind goes adrifts. I hate to think that all these 2 decades of my life, I mostly don’t feel living at all. So I turned to look for things to keep my mind occupied. I decided to flee to the wonderland in which everything that I have never and can never be, lives. It is toxic. But the things I am running from is just as toxic. I am basically running from toxic with help from another but similar kind of toxic. Without realizing, my life has become an endless cycle of toxicity after toxicity. I don’t know if I should be grateful or not for the fact that alcohol is not readily available here.
I hate the fact that no matter what I try to do, I can’t seem to shake these thoughts away like it’s sticking so strongly on to my body like a permanent tattoo on my skin. I’ve tried to do many things that most people had adviced me to do, I went out for a walk, I join sport clubs, I tried to find and do my hobbies, you name it, I’ve done it all, I think. Nothing has changed. I tried to talk to people, and no one seemed to care enough or simply didn’t understand what I was saying. I don’t know. Maybe they were having their own problems, I don’t know. So I am trying to write it all out here, hoping this thought will go away along with my pent up emotions overflowing from my thumbs as I am typing this on my phone.
I hope this will help me.
— Me, right now, having no spirit to study 8 hours before a test, while hating the idea of getting an F.
Kenapa ya hal-hal biasa buat orang lain menjadi hal yang aneh dan unsettling buat saya?
Kenapa saya ingin berteman tapi saat berteman, malah menjauh dari teman dan merasa hina berteman dengan mereka?
Kenapa saya ingin berteman tapi juga jijik dengan konsep pertemanan?
Kapan ya saya bisa lepas dari perasaan gak nyaman dan jijik sama diri sendiri?
Maybe it is not her that I hate.
Maybe it is the picture of my old self in her.