I think I am getting more and more broken each and every day. Lately the thoughts of “nothingness” that fills my entire life keep on reoccurring everytime my mind goes adrifts. I hate to think that all these 2 decades of my life, I mostly don’t feel living at all. So I turned to look for things to keep my mind occupied. I decided to flee to the wonderland in which everything that I have never and can never be, lives. It is toxic. But the things I am running from is just as toxic. I am basically running from toxic with help from another but similar kind of toxic. Without realizing, my life has become an endless cycle of toxicity after toxicity. I don’t know if I should be grateful or not for the fact that alcohol is not readily available here.
I hate the fact that no matter what I try to do, I can’t seem to shake these thoughts away like it’s sticking so strongly on to my body like a permanent tattoo on my skin. I’ve tried to do many things that most people had adviced me to do, I went out for a walk, I join sport clubs, I tried to find and do my hobbies, you name it, I’ve done it all, I think. Nothing has changed. I tried to talk to people, and no one seemed to care enough or simply didn’t understand what I was saying. I don’t know. Maybe they were having their own problems, I don’t know. So I am trying to write it all out here, hoping this thought will go away along with my pent up emotions overflowing from my thumbs as I am typing this on my phone.
I hope this will help me.

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